The Morning Of My Wife's Birthday, I Handed Her Her First Gift.

As she unwrapped it she said, "It's a fucking wand! What do I want with a fucking wand?"

"It's not just any wand," I replied, "It's a magic wand!"

"Really?" she said. "What does it do?"

"Why don't you give it shake," I told her, "and don't forget to say the magic words."

"Okay," she said shaking the wand. "Abracadabra!"

"Fuck me, love!" I said, peering down the side of the bed. "You're not going to believe this."

"What is it?" she asked all excitedly.

I said, "You've just made all your other presents disappear!"