A Woman Goes To The Doctor After Noticing Swelling Around Her Stomach.

The doctor examines her, takes blood for testing, and tells her to return in one week.

A week later, the woman returns to the doctor, who says "The results are back. Get ready for more swelling, and start buying nappies (diapers)."

"Oh my God, am I pregnant?" asks the woman.

"No, you've got bowel cancer."