How Daylight Savings Time Came To Pass -or- The Origin Of Seasonal Depression

Back in the days before time, the townspeople were concerned with what they called, The Dying of the Light. It seemed that each passing day, night absorbed more of the light, and the days grew progressively colder. Fearful that the Nightman was punishing them, they congregated in the town square to seek the wisdom of the elders.

“Hey guys, didja notice that it seems each passing day, night absorbs more of the light, and the days grow progressively colder?”

“Yeah! We really should do something about that.”

“I’m fearful that the Nightman is punishing us, we should congregate in the town square to seek the wisdom of the elders!”

Soon, all the townspeople joined those other three guys in the square. The crowd was overcome with panic as the Eldest Elder approached the proscenium. (The square had a really awesome stage.)

He exclaimed, “Do not fear The Dying of the Light, my people, for I am Dayman, Fighter of the Nightman, Champion of the Sun. I have found a solution! We will set our clocks back one hour and your fears will be allayed.”

The crowd hushed as confusion set in.

“What the Hell is a clock?” cried Townsperson #3. “And what the Hell is an hour?” shouted Townsperson #1 (smugly, considering his status as Townsperson #1).

The Eldest Elder continued, “So where it was once 7 o’clock, it will now be 8 o’clock. Thus giving us an additional hour of daylight- so we can continue to wash our underwear in the same river from which we bath and drink.”

“What the Hell in an o’clock?” muttered a muddled, unnumbered, townsperson. (Numbering of townspeople was completely arbitrary in those days.)

At this point, Elders Arizona and Indiana looked at each other; knowing the Eldest Elder was incorrect, they shook their heads and retreated behind the curtain- never to be seen again. (Legend has it these elders left for a place the Nightman did not follow.)

The rumblings dissipated as the townspeople grappled with understanding the implications of this new system. Although something seemed amiss, they did not question the authority and superior judgment of the Eldest Elder. After all, he was Dayman, Fighter of the Nightman, Champion of the Sun. And he had tenure so there was nothing they could do about it anyhow.

Surprisingly, in the days to come, despite the Eldest Elder’s bold proclamation, it was found that the Dying of the Light increased dramatically. Fearing the wrath of the Nightman, the townspeople did not speak up, for his power was undeniable and they would not encourage his wrath any further. Instead, before night fell over the town, they worked with great urgency to wash their underwear in the same river from which they bathed and drank.

And thus the tradition of Daylight Savings Time was begun.

…Some time later, a young boy sat on the Eldest Elder’s lap and asked, “Where do girls come from?” The elder looked upon the boy, gulped back the dregs of his sixth brew, burped into his beard, and then muttered something about tearing out a man's rib. But that is another story…