So The Pope Gets A Dog...

So the Pope is lonely and decides to get a dog (let's say this is one of those previous Popes that people don't like that much). Anyway, he gets a real nice, loyal dog- call it a German shepherd. Then one day a giant hole appears in the earth and Satan himself comes out. He's like 100 feet tall and stomping around like Godzilla, just absolutely crushing shit and laughing about it. The Pope hears about this and decides he has to go and try to stop Satan. Obviously, he takes the dog along.

So the Pope gets to Satan and is all, "Hey-a you Satan! You-a betta stop a-stompin' around! In-a the name-a Jesus! You go-a right back-a to Hell!"

Satan just laughs. He lifts up his giant devil-foot and smushes the Pope. The dog tries to jump in the way to protect him, but obviously he gets smushed too, poor pooch.

Anyway, as everyone knows, the rule is that if Satan kills the Pope, then a magic portal to Heaven opens up and Satan is supposed to be able to climb through it and run a-muck in Heaven. So, Satan's all stoked cause now he gets to go do that, but right as he's about to climb through the portal, God shows up and is like, "Ah-ah-ah nooo I don't think so Satan!"

Then Satan's like, "WTF God?! Rule says I get to come in there and tear shit up!"

But then God's like, "Oh Hellllll no! Ain't no way you settin' foot in here with that dog-pope on your feet!"