New In Town

A man just moved to a new city and decided to go out on the town to find a good bar and possibly make some new friends. He came upon a small dive bar down the road and decided to check it out.

He went in and sat at the bar, looked around for the bartender and spotted a large jar full of $10 bills near the back. As soon as the bartender came over he inquired about why there were only ten dollar bills in the jar.

"Oh, that's the membership fee for our special drinking club! We meet here a few times a week, after hours," said the bartender.

“But it’s not just a $10 entrance fee,” he continued.

“You have to prove you’re worthy of drinking and partying with us. Under the bar is a large bottle of Peppermint Schnapps. You have to chug the entire thing without stopping.

Then, you see that large Indian guy meditating on the small table in the corner? He weighs over 400 pounds. You have to push him off the table.

And after that you have to take these pliers and go find the Rottweiler that guards the junkyard a block away and pull out a couple of its teeth without being scratched or bitten.

And lastly, you have to go the apartment above the bar and give the old lady who lives there an intense orgasm. So intense that we can all hear it. If you do all of that, you can join our little club here.”

The guy thought about it for a few minutes then said to the bartender, “What the hell? I’ll try it.”

He handed over ten dollars and then grabbed the large bottle of Peppermint Schnapps. He started chugging and chugging and chugging. The patrons at the bar noticed and started to cheer him on, yelling and throwing their hands in the air. The guy barely finished the entire bottle. By this time he was completely wasted and having trouble walking.

He staggered over to the meditating Indian and using all of his strength, slowly pushed him off the table. The whole bar erupted in deafening applause.

The guy then threw open the door and ran around the corner. Everyone leaned against the wall inside the bar to listen. They could hear the poor Rottweiler howling and whining in pain.

A few seconds later the new guy kicked open the front door, almost falling over, then grabbed the pliers from the bar and screamed:

“OKAY, WHERE’S THAT OLD LADY WHO NEEDS HER TEETH PULLED?!”