Three Guys Die And Go To Heaven...

They are met at the Pearly Gates by, of course, St. Peter. "Welcome welcome!" he shouted as they approached "It's so good to see you! Are you ready to enjoy your eternity in Heaven?" "Yes yes of course we are!" all three guys shouted over top of each other. "Great!" says Peter. "But before I let you in I need to go over a few things that have changed recently. Over the past few years we have seen an enormous increase in population and to deal with that we have had to expand our walls a great deal. Since the increase in size, we have received a large number of complaints about the traveling distances. To solve the issue, we have decided to hand out a set of wheels to each new member who passes through our gates! But unfortunately since this is a new program, we don't have a lot of rides in stock. This means we have had to come up with a system of determining what kind of wheels each individual shall receive. We have decided that the quality of wheels will be determined by the individuals faithfulness to their spouse in the previous life. Sound fair?" The three guys all nodded in agreement. St. Peter turned to guy number one and asked, "Tell me sir, how faithful were you to your spouse?" guy number one answered, "I was married to my beautiful wife for 55 years. I fell in love with her the very second I met her and my love only grew stronger every day after. I never once in my life thought about any other woman. Not once. We had a wonderful life together and my heart leaps with joy when I imagine the day she will arrive at these same gates to spend an eternity here with me." St. Peter wiped a tear from his eye. "That was the sweetest thing I have ever heard. You have definitely earned a quality set of wheels." The gates opened and a Bentley drove out to meet him. Guy number one danced his way to the vehicle and took off pedal to the metal through the gates and out of sight. St. Peter turned to guy number two, "You're turn now." Guy number two stepped forward, "Well, I've been married for about 25 years, and for the most part things have been alright. We've had our ups and downs like most married couples do. There was one time that we got into a pretty big fight and I phoned a lady from work and well, you know... Some things ended up happening that I'm not too proud of... But I came clean to my wife about it all and she forgave me. Things had gone pretty smooth since." "Not good not good..." Peter responded. "But not the worst I've heard either. Here is your ride." The gates opened up and a Jeep drove through to meet him. He shook Peter's hand and made his way over to his new ride. As he cruised off into the distance Peter turned to guy number three, but before he could say anything, guy number three started up, "Okay I'm just going to come out and be completely honest... I've never been faithful to my wife. We've been married for like 10 years or something, and truthfully I believe I stopped loving her right after our first night alone together. Every week I was sleeping with someone else behind her back and to be honest I don't regret any of it. I hate the dumb slut." St. Peter couldn't believe his ears. "You sir are possibly the most disgusting human being I have ever laid eyes on. Here, take your ride." He turned and walked away as a moped puttered along through the gates to meet guy number three. A considerable amount of time passed and guys number two and three were enjoying a nice ride around the block together when the spotted guy number one in his Bentley parked up on one of the hills outside of their town. They rode up to say hey but when they pulled up beside him they realized he was crying. "What the heck is wrong with you?" asked guy number two. "My wife arrived today." Guy number one answered. "You should be happy! Now you two can spend your eternities together just like you wanted!" shouted guy number three. "No, you don't understand..." said guy number one. "She's riding around on roller skates."