Pink Cottonballs

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Johnny.

At first he was a happy, normal boy, but then one day, before his 3rd birthday, his parents asked him what he wanted for his present.

"I want pink cottonballs," said Little Johnny.

"No way," said his parents, a little concerned by the odd request, "you're much too young for something like that!"

And so they got him a Big Wheel tricycle.

Little Johnny was furious, and so he took the tricycle up to the top of the big hill, rode it down the hill, and SMASHED it into a brick wall.

He broke his arm and spent a month in a cast.

A little while later, when he was almost six years old and his parents asked him what he wanted for his birthday.

"I want pink cottonballs!" little Johnny said firmly.

"No way!" said his parents, getting a bit angry, "You're a boy, and that's not a normal present for a boy!"

And so they got him a bicycle.

Little Johnny threw a temper-tantrum when he saw the bicycle and he took it up to the top of the big hill, rode it down the hill, and SMASHED it into a brick wall.

He broke his leg and spent three months in a cast.

Some time after that, Johnny was almost ten years old and his parents nervously asked him what he wanted for his birthday.

"I want pink cottonballs!" wailed Johnny.

"No!" said his parents, genuinely upset now, "You ask for that every year, and every year we say no! There will be no pink cottonballs in our house, young man, and that's final!"

And so they got him a really kickass dirt-bike.

Little Johnny, simmering with anger, built a ramp at the bottom of the hill, then he took the dirt-bike up to the top of the big hill, rode it down the hill, hit the ramp, did a sweet 360' freestyle flip in the air, and then SMASHED the dirt-bike into a brick wall.

He broke his both his arms and his legs and spent almost six months in traction.

A few years later, right before his 16th birthday, Johnny's parents asked him what he wanted for his birthday.

"Pink cottonballs!" shouted Johnny. "Pink cottonballs!" groaned his parents.

"No! Absolutely not!" said his parents, putting their foot down, "This obsession with pink cottonballs is unnatural! It is a disgusting, abnormal request and we will not be a part of it! You'll get a normal gift and you will like it! We mean it this time, buster!"

And so they got him a brand-new Toyota Vios. They even got him a pink one, hoping that would appease him.

But Little Johnny looked at the Vios with pure loathing. Why didn't his parents understand him? Nobody understands him! And so he took the car up to the top of the big hill, he spun a few donuts with it and then he rode it down the hill, and SMASHED it into a brick wall at 60mph.

This time, Little Johnny was seriously hurt. He broke his back and spent most of the next year in a body cast. During that time, his parents hired a therapist to try to cure him of his weird cottonball obsession, but to no avail.

Finally, Little Johnny was all grown up. He was almost 18 and ready to leave the nest and go out on his own in the world. In spite of everything, his parents hoped that this one time, he would ask for a normal gift for his last birthday at home.

"What do you want for your birthday, Little Johnny?" they asked.

"Mom. Dad. I love you guys. I know we've had our difficulties, but I am just asking you to accept me as I am. I may not be like all the other boys, but I'm still your son. Please, just this once, give me pink cottonballs for my birthday," pleaded Little Johnny.

Hearing this, his parents sighed in dismay. Then that dismay turned to anger. "NO!!" shouted his parents, "When you are 18, you can move out and buy all the pink cottonballs you want! But while you are living under our roof, you will abide by our rules! We will not enable your deviant lifestyle choices! We are still your parents and you still have to obey us. So there will be no pink cottonballs from us, ever!!"

And so they got him a totally pimped out Cadillac Escalade with spinning rims and a sick sound system.

Little Johnny sighed. He wasn't even angry about it any more, but still, he had to be true to himself. So he took the SUV up to the top of the big hill, rode it down the hill, and SMASHED it into a brick wall.

But, oh no.... this time, Little Johnny was mortally wounded.

As he lay in his hospital bed, the doctors allowed his parents to speak with him one last time to say their good-byes before he passed away.

When they entered the room, they saw their Little Johnny laying on the bed, broken and battered, and their hearts were filled with regret. Oh why hadn't they listened to their son? If only they had gotten him the present he'd really wanted all those many long years, he'd still be alive. Weird, but alive. At first, they didn't know what to say. How could they apologize for so many years of misunderstanding? But then curiosity overtook their grief.

So his parents leaned over his bed and whispered into his ear, "Please, Little Johnny, our dear sweet boy. Before you go, we simply must know why. Please tell us, why did you want 'pink cottonballs' for your birthday?"

And Little Johnny, with the last ounce of strength in his body, lifted his head off the pillow, and said:

"Mom.... Dad.... I... I....."

And he died.