Things Rednecks Never Say...

• I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. • Duct tape won't fix that. • Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. • Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. • We don't keep firearms in this house. • Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? • You can't feed that to the dog. • I thought Graceland was tacky. • No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe. • Wrasslin's fake. • Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? • We're vegetarians. • Do you think my hair is too big? • I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy. • Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering? • Who's Richard Petty? • Give me the small bag of pork rinds. • Deer heads detract from the decor. • Spitting is such a nasty habit. • I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. • Trim the fat off that steak. • Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. • The tires on that truck are too big. • I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. • I've got it all on a floppy disk. • Unsweetened tea tastes better. • Would you like your fish poached or broiled? • My fiancee, Betty Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. • I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. • Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. • Checkmate. • She's too old to be wearing a bikini. • Does the salad bar have bean sprouts? • Hey, here's an episode of Hee Haw that we haven't seen. • I don't have a favorite college team. • Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side. • I believe you cooked those green beans too long. • Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla. • Elvis who?