I Went Into A Chemist And Asked For An "air- Arsole" Anti-persperant Spray

The chemist asks "ball type or under the arms" oh err! I also asked for a packet of 3, again the chemist said "that will be £3 plus tax" I said you piss off ill tie it on! I went next door to the off licence and asked the chap behind the counter if he could tell me the name of a good port? "yes he said Southampton, Piss off"