So The Family Wife Comes Home After A Long Day Of Work...

...and the husband is already there. The wife walks in the door and is slightly surprised/ irritated to find her husband (who she’s been considering divorcing,) standing in the doorway right in front of her, hands on hips, BEAMING with pride.

Wife: “Why are you so happy?”

Husband: “I lost 10 pounds in the last hour.”

Wife: (sarcastic:) “Yeah, right, and I’m in no mood for this.”

Husband: (persistent:) “No, really. I lost 10 pounds in the last hour!”

Wife: (again, not having this:) “Seriously. I’m not in the mood, and we both know it didn’t happen, so stop.”

Husband: (still going strong:) “I’m telling you. I. Lost. 10. Pounds. In the last hour.”

At this point the wife is completely done, and as she is about to just let it go, the husband starts again…

Husband: “No, really. I can’t find the baby.”