I'm Looking For A Joke

I heard a monologue once on the radio here in the UK.

The monologue is in a film noir style and I'm pretty sure it starts with "I was working on a case. I was working on a case because I couldn't afford a desk" and has other lines such as "A tall Blonde walked past the window, I knew she was tall because I was on the 13th floor. She rolled her eyes at me. I picked them up and rolled them back"

Anybody know the author/ full joke?