Bring On The Offensive Jokes

And I mean the truly "offensive", truly "controversial" ones. The ones making fun of straight white American males. What's the matter, it's just a joak come on? I'll start.

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Women will never be equal to men until they start walking down the streets bald and with beer guts and still consider themselves attractive.

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Scientists have discovered something that does a better job than five men put together - a woman.

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Which three words would emasculate any man? "Hold my purse."

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"I really hate magazine articles like 'Ten Mistakes Girls Make in Bed'. Girls only make one mistake in bed -- bringing the wrong man there."

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What men truly mean when they say...

• "You're working too much darling, please take a break."
  (I can't hear the game on TV cuz of your vacuum cleaner)

• "Can I help you with dinner?"
  (Why haven't you laid the table yet?)

• "I miss you."
  (I'm out of toilet paper and clean socks)

• "I like this movie."
  (It has guns, explosions, fast cars and pretty girls in it)

• "We're not lost, I know exactly where we are."
  (Nobody will ever see us alive ever again)

• "I don't believe in material wealth."
  (I'm broke as fuck)

• "I'm listening, I just got distracted for a second."
  (I wonder if that blonde chick over there has a bra on)

• "That's a woman's job."
  (I've no idea how to do this)

• "What's wrong?"
  (What fucking stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is bothering you?)

• "I just thought about you and bought you some roses."
  (I want to bang the flower girl)

• "Yes, you look great!"
  (Stop trying on more clothes, I don't care and I'm starving)

• "I can't find _____"
  (It's not in my pocket and I can't be arsed to look for it)

• "You're the only girl I've ever loved."
  (You're the only girl who hasn't rejected me)

• "I'm hungry."
  (Cook me something, will you?)

• "I do so much housework."
  (I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket)

• "She's one of those feminazis."
  (She doesn't think I'm a god)

• "Do you love me?"
  (I did something really stupid and you might find out)

• "Do you really love me?"
  (I did something really stupid and someone will tell you about it out sooner or later)

• "Would you like to go to the movies?"
  (I want to have sex with you)

• "Can I take you to dinner?"
  (I want to have sex with you)

• "Would you like to dance?"
  (I want to have sex with you)

• "Nice dress."
  (Nice cleavage)

• "I'm bored."
  (I'm horny)