So A Guy Walks Into A Bar With A Monkey...

...he steps up to the bar and orders a drink. The monkey scampers over to the billiards table, picks up the 8 ball and swallows it whole. The bartender says "Hey, your monkey just swallowed the 8 ball." The guy replies "It's cool, just put it on my tab." He finishes his drink and leaves with his monkey.

The next week he comes back to the bar with his monkey, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. The monkey picks up a peanut out of the bowl sitting on the bar, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender says "Hey, that monkey just stuck a peanut up his ass before eating it." The guy says "Yeah, after that 8 ball he checks everything for size now."